It's been a bit of time again since I've blogged. It gets hard for me to do this for some reason. The process has been tough and challenging of late. I'm dealing with a lot of songs that are almost there. It's like 7 or 8 of them and I think I am just dealing with some fear of finishing. It's a normal thing. And I have to push through. It's the point of this whole project really. To push beyond my fear of letting things go.
Fucking With Your Flow was something that really took a lot out of me that last 2 weeks. I felt like I was wringing a rag as tight as I could to get the last few drops of water out. There is that creative well that you can't just expect to supply exactly what you need all the time. Making something is tricky - it's never logical. It rarely comes when you want it to. And sometimes you have to roll with the punches, even if you aren't sure if you are going to get exactly what you think you want. I think the whole thing is - you have to be willing to jump into an abyss when you are being creative. You have to wander. And a lot of times, I like to decide what a song is before I've recorded it. So there is this whole process of unlearning the song so I can get to the end. And that's where things can get painful.
I need to do something that has nothing to do with music that is more than just watching a movie or drinking a beer at home :) I need to refill the creative well somehow and I am not sure what that is yet. I am also really wanting to start some new fitness regimen. I like doing things dramatically - if you can't tell :) And I like taking on really big fitness goals too. Was thinking about doing some sort of boot camp thing - cause I've never done anything like it. Really need a stress release that is healthy and positive. Things have been very tense with the work load and my constant mental back and forth with the songs.
I am working on a song called Helium at the moment. I've had it for a long time. More than a year actually. And I have all the lyrics and almost all of the music ready to go. It's just that I still have to track my final vocal and I am shying away from it. Which always gets me into trouble. Vocals always take a bit to get into. You can't just expect it to come in an hour. Sometimes it does and you expect that it should always be that way. But it's always when you think it shouldn't be a problem when it bites you in the ass.
I need to just sing though :) at the end of the day I feel the song is there ready to be brought out. I just have to let it go and be what it wants to be.
The promotion angle has been getting to me pretty hard. I really want the music to get out there and there is some sort of block with that. Not sure exactly what it is. Honestly. There is a hesitation that I have always had to present my work to the world. I always tend to hold back. I really love making music and I hate having to deal with the public at large. There are many times when I wish I had someone to help take care of the whole mess and do it really well. That someone could sort of just magically fix it. But the real issue is that I am holding back. If I am honest. I am holding back from letting people to really see the music. Still sorting that one out.
What else? My dogs are the best thing. Every day they are just happy to see me, and having a ball. And it always brings me back to center. They are the biggest stress release.
Anyway. I should get back to Helium. Wish me luck. Sending LOVE.